After burying my beloved Neko-chan in the rain, I went home and shower. I remembers not saying anything at the vet when I went to pick her body. I kept quite, trying to stop the tears from bursting. Faded pink towel wrapped around her, and the vet put her slowly into the carrier. All the way, silent tears dripped on my cheeks. I prayed furiously for the rain to stop but I guess the sky had cried for her too. My bf and I stopped by a hardware shop and bought a new hoe. We went to the car park at my apartment and started digging. The rain was falling hard but the spot we picked was shaded, we didn't get hit by rain too badly and at least my beloved Neko-chan will not be drenched.
After saying a small prayer, I lay her lifeless body into the ground and cover soil over her. She has lain to rest and I thank her for all the good memories, the fun and the fight she has fought. As I walked back into my apartment, all the good memories flashes before my eyes. The day I picked her up and nurse her back to health. The time she got bad diarrhea and I had to clean her cage almost every hour. The time she got healthy and chubby, I was so proud of her. The times she purrs loudly even before I pet her. Her love to groom herself and other cats, her cute mew when she runs up to me. Her cute swagger when she follows me around the house. Her demands for belly rubs and her sleeping beside me on the bed. I will miss her a lot since she was so close to me.
It's more than 24 hours since I buried her and the pain is still raw to me. I avoid looking at her pictures, I haven't looked at her grave since yesterday. Only memento of hers I have at the moment is her collar. Her toys, bedding and such are thrown away for fear of harboring germs. Last night as I cleaner her litter box, I felt like she died all over again. I threw away her last clump of pee in her litter box and cried as I wiped the last 2 yellow stains of her pee on the litter box. In my mind I kept thinking, this is her last moment here at my home. Even now I try not to think too much of her as my tears will run down my cheeks.
I wonder if the time will come when I think of her and not cry, if I can visit her grave or accept her gone from my life. The memories of her last few days with me rips at my heart. I wonder if I will ever manage to forgive myself. To rid of this guilt. I wonder if a love lost can be found anew. I can only wonder if time will tell.
After saying a small prayer, I lay her lifeless body into the ground and cover soil over her. She has lain to rest and I thank her for all the good memories, the fun and the fight she has fought. As I walked back into my apartment, all the good memories flashes before my eyes. The day I picked her up and nurse her back to health. The time she got bad diarrhea and I had to clean her cage almost every hour. The time she got healthy and chubby, I was so proud of her. The times she purrs loudly even before I pet her. Her love to groom herself and other cats, her cute mew when she runs up to me. Her cute swagger when she follows me around the house. Her demands for belly rubs and her sleeping beside me on the bed. I will miss her a lot since she was so close to me.
It's more than 24 hours since I buried her and the pain is still raw to me. I avoid looking at her pictures, I haven't looked at her grave since yesterday. Only memento of hers I have at the moment is her collar. Her toys, bedding and such are thrown away for fear of harboring germs. Last night as I cleaner her litter box, I felt like she died all over again. I threw away her last clump of pee in her litter box and cried as I wiped the last 2 yellow stains of her pee on the litter box. In my mind I kept thinking, this is her last moment here at my home. Even now I try not to think too much of her as my tears will run down my cheeks.
I wonder if the time will come when I think of her and not cry, if I can visit her grave or accept her gone from my life. The memories of her last few days with me rips at my heart. I wonder if I will ever manage to forgive myself. To rid of this guilt. I wonder if a love lost can be found anew. I can only wonder if time will tell.
Time will heal ... :)
ReplyDeleteHer memories will live on forever, of how she filled your life with so much laughter, joy, smile.
"Rejoice" for the time you shared with her!