Kitty Journal 31 - The Sum of All Fear II

Today, I woke up at my mobile phone rang. It was the vet and he told me of the blood test results. Neko-chan's liver doesn't look very good. The toxins in her liver is 6x the normal amount and it's distressing. I told the vet she stopped eating and drinking, and was told to brought her in immediately. I brought her in and was ushered into the examination room, vet told details of the blood test and what it means. From her white cell count and liver examination, she has liver problem and it's probably something parasitic. I told the vet she's gone comatose, and he took her out of the carrier.

She was so weak, she didn't even fight when the vet lay her down on the examination table. She only mew weakly in pain and my heart hurts. The night before I cried when I went into her room, comforting her. I see her life ebbed away before my eyes and I felt so helpless. I can't do anything to help her. Vet told me he'll put her on IV drip but I watched again helplessly as the vet tried to put IV drip on her front leg and failed. Her blood circulation is so bad and it's impossible to put it on her front leg. Vet told me to go home first and he'll try to put her on IV drip again and will contact me in an hour. I walked out of the clinic somewhat dazed and blank. I felt it was very serious and deep inside I felt her chance of survival is 50-50. I pray she will survive, I pray she fights hard to survive. I'm waiting patiently, sad but determine to see her well.

Kitty Journal 30 - The Sum of All Fear

Today, I send Neko-chan to the vet. I have suspected Neko-chan is sick since Thursday but never realised it was something serious and dangerous. Since she spend most of her time lying down and sleeping, I never realized that she had lost a lot of weight. It was until I saw her walking around, that it got me thinking, "She's so thin". Then it hit me, have I really seen her eating heartily? I realized then I haven't seen her eat much. I guess I thought she was bored of the kibble that I gave them, since my other cats doesn't eat a lot either lately. But as I looked at her more, I became worried. Though I delayed sending her to the vet, didn't want to be too protective I guess. Maybe I was too obsessed with my cats but that was my biggest mistake. I am still pondering why I didn't send her to vet quickly. I have no answer. I should say I am a bad owner, a bad mother no less. I am ashamed and angry at myself.

I bought her wet food and was more surprised she barely ate it. She just licks the juice and not eat the chunks of juicy chicken. That was very alarming. I knew something was really wrong but the vet has already closed and the next day was a public holiday. After some thinking, I thought maybe the kibble was not fresh enough so I opened a new batch of kibble. Neko-chan ate and I was relieved. After a while, she still didn't eat as much as I hoped for and again it got me worried. Monday was another public holiday (and the vet is closed on Monday anyway), I waited patiently for today and send her to the vet as quickly as I can.

From the early diagnose, it seems that it is something serious. She's already jaundiced and lost 1 kg since the last time the vet took her weight (in December). Vet told me she probably have liver and kidney problem, a blood test will show the problem more clearly. Since she was too fierce at the vet, she had to be sedated for the vet to draw her blood. I'm waiting for the call from the vet to pick her up. It's frightening, but I hope it is something that I can handle and I hope Neko-chan can get well soon. I hope she will be fine. Deep inside I realized I have no paid enough attention to them. To be honest, I was trying to be less confining and less constricting. I realized Neko-chan had some stress problem, so I let her have her freedom but I guess I didn't watch closely enough. I hope I learned my lessons. I shall wait patiently for now and hope for the best.